was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
