That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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