After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
