i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
