hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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