I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
zippers are such a cool invention
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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