my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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