11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
