i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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