It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
