I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I could fuck to npr.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
