youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize