I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
