Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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