The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize