I wish I could punch you in the face.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I want to be your penis for a week.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
