Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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