kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
