Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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