i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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