You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
