No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
