My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
