see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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