apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
