So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
