I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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