I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
