im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
