Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
