and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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