Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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