Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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