So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
