Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
not ubering you a puppy
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
