I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
