With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
