i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
