i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
