Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
