Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
im holly from the hills drunk
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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