I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
