I'm so fucking centered right now
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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