Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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