Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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