Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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