I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She bit a glass in half.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
