My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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