Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My life is pants optional.
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