there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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