you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
