So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize