Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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