Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
