Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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