don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
