what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize