I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
