fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
