i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
