tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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