the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
