My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
