What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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