yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
