I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
In America we eat man semen.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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