im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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