u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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