i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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