im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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