Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
