I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
