I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
