There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
