I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize