batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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