her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
