It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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